Doesn't Care About You

On and on

2008-01-29T19:34:00.000-08:00

I have decided to stop posting on this blog. I'm leaving the archives so my children can Google me one day and be even more embarrassed about how nerdy their father is. Hi, kid(s)!

From now on, you can find me here, here, and here.

Bar hopping in Montréal, unabridged

2008-01-27T20:53:00.000-08:00

This past Friday night I ventured out into the cold with three associates to explore some of the bars that Montréal has to offer. Explore isn't quite the right word as not all the bars were new even to me, having been to Korova three nights prior. But the point should be emphasized that we largely had no idea where exactly we were going to end up.

Having had one beer while discussing Rick Mercer's surprising lack of height when met in person and Mike Myers' unfounded hatred of the extras working on the set of his new film The Love Guru, we left to wander down Saint Laurent and figure out which bar we should begin our night at. Our first intended destination was playing host to some unfortunate band named something like The Virgin Sluts or Slut Virgins, I can't really recall. Though I'm pretty sure the word 'virgin' was in use somewhere.

Moving farther along down the street, we found ourselves standing outside what was described by one of our party, Dan, as "a really scuzzy bar." I immediately voiced my enthusiasm for our travels to go no further, but it was agreed that checking out the aforementioned Korova wouldn't harm anyone. Unfortunately we were informed by some smokers out front that the bar didn't actually open until 10:30 PM. It being about 10:02 PM, we made our way back to the scuzzy bar in order to make further plans for the evening.

Having sat down with our first round of drinks, it was decided by myself and another member of our party familiar with Vancouver, Mayana, that the bar, Barfly, was essentially a combination of the Cambie and the Marine Club. To get a better idea imagine the regulars of the Cambie in a place a little smaller than the Marine Club with a band presumably as lousy as Go Ghetto Tiger on stage. I say presumably because we had finished our drinks and decided to leave before the band started playing, as seeing their wardrobe and the fact they felt they needed someone there to record their performance on video (for YouTube, presumably, it was agreed) was enough to convince us it was time to see what else the evening had in store for us.

It being just after 10:30 PM, we decided that it was now suitable to patronize Korova. This time we were greeted with a fairly empty bar and unobtrusive music — not to mention tables consisting of old Space Invaders consoles that were still in working order. This proved to be suitable entertainment to accompany our drink of choice; Pabst Blue Ribbon. Unfortunately after only so many sips of Pabst and only so many spaces being invaded, the bar itself was invaded by a congregation of university students intent on celebrating some sort of occasion that's relevance was lost on us. Needless to say, it left us desiring some social gathering larger than our own where there might be a purpose suitable to our now heightened expectations. (This is, of course, because one would assume that getting inebriated isn't exactly a proper birthday celebration when one is already getting drunk two to three times a week.)

It should come as no surprise that we soon found ourselves making our way to a loft party in a nearby building. The prospect of a party in a loft had a special appeal to it, as one imagines that very few university students can afford lofts and those who can afford them can also most likely afford to stock their apartment with large amounts of Pabst Blue Ribbon and Space Invader consoles. Whether such attributes can be accredited to loft owners is still a mystery to me, as we never made it over the threshold of the party's entrance. When we were greeted with a 'Please Remove Shoes' sign, it was decided that this was not a party we were willing to risk dirtying our socks for.

Having seemingly exhausted our tolerance for finding a suitable establishment we resorted to endeavoring to Tokyo, a place which might fittingly and unflatteringly be described as a "night club." However, since we were granted both safe and complimentary passage to the VIP area by party member Sidney, we found it only proper to stay for at least one drink. We were rewarded by music at a level so high that it was all one could do to hear one's thoughts. Far be it from me to overly criticize the lifestyles of a group of people different than myself, but one must wonder where the appeal of paying $6 for a bottle of Molson Export — should you desire a beer — while being surrounded by unattractive girls made up to look pretty (or at the very least inviting under the guise of a couple Molson Exports) and music not derived from any particular genre lies. Perhaps I don't fully appreciate the feeling of accomplishment that is achieved from the sexual conquest deprived of sobriety, or perhaps it's simply that I prefer Pabst Blue Ribbon to Molson Export.

If you can forgive my digression, I can tell you of how we came to abandon our appreciated, yet confusing, VIP status in favor of a bar with wobbling tables and at least one bathroom with no toilet paper. The appeal of a blonde pint, friendly service and an atmosphere appropriate for conversation should not be overlooked — as such, we found ourselves in the setting of Sing Sing. While we were thusly deprived of the enjoyment of being ogled by deaf ugly girls, we found entertainment in watching a young gentleman pull a hybrid snow sled/boat (eventually defined as simply "the snow boat") along the sidewalk just outside of our window. Though it did not quite appear sea-worthy or to have attachments for sleigh dogs or reindeer, the amount of pride the (presumed) creator took in his alpine vehicle was rousing for our somewhat jaded spirits.

At the very least, it reminded us that our journey home was not the lengthy trek we earlier believed it to be when thinking of abandoning unfinished bottles of Molson Export. Upon downing the last of our pints, we concluded that our night was suitably complete save one ambition that could be fulfilled during our departure from the bar: possession of the snow boat.

Candidate for best Degrassi line of all time

2008-01-22T11:15:00.000-08:00

From Season 7, Episode 2:

"I used to play at this playground as a kid . . . I just found out I have chlamydia."

News Flash

2008-01-18T22:21:00.000-08:00

-Roger Federer is pretty good at tennis

-Seemore Butts (sic?) approves porn videos with "girls kicking ass and getting their asses kicked, too"

-I had five screwdrivers so that I might get some sleep tonight

Living at my parent's house for a month after graduating from university checklist

2008-01-16T07:29:00.000-08:00

[x] Moving out 3 days from now
[ ] Contributed financially
[x] Watched season 1 of The Wire
[x] Watched season 2 of The Wire
[x] Watched season 3 of The Wire
[x] Watched season 4 of The Wire
[x] Watched all seasons of The Wire over the span of 9 days
[x] Put on weight over the holidays
[ ] Averaged going outside at least once a day
[x] Argued about who does dishes
[x] Made case that completing four years of university should entitle me to never have to wash dishes, as that kind of chore is not for an academic
[x] Made case that academics need food to think, thusly I am justified in eating all of the food in the house
[ ] Produced argumentative essay demonstrating such fact
[x] Gained larger appreciation for ability to purchase my preferred brand of toilet paper
[x] Delivered proposal to parents showing that benefits of using preferred brand outweigh higher price
[ ] Said proposal was accepted
[x] Might as well have feigned depression and slept through the day, every day

I'm moving in a couple of days

2008-01-09T10:56:00.000-08:00

2008-01-07T10:51:00.000-08:00

If I thought Toronto was any less gray than Vancouver, I was kidding myself.

An SFU divorce

2008-01-03T18:39:00.000-08:00

[I am for the last time serving as a columnist for The Peak during the 2008 spring semester, and I'm going to post the odd column or two here when I am so inclined.]

I guess you could say I graduated from SFU on December 6, 2007, as that is when I handed in my last essay. Clearly I won’t actually graduate until each of my TAs and professors receive their crate of exquisite foreign chocolate (ie. I pass my classes), and my degree shows up in the mail (I’d only go to my convocation if they set aside an entire day for just me), but I have had about a month now to adjust to the fact that I am no longer a post-secondary school student.

I could talk about the typical anxiety and stress that presumably every student has gone or will go through; as I don’t have a job, I’m sleeping on a futon in a guest room at my parents’ house, and I have this inexplicable urge to make self-righteous proclamations about the meaning of adulthood. Instead I’d like to discuss that the fact I’m having these feelings makes me analogous to a man who has just been divorced by his wife.

This is exactly what I have come to realize in the past 30 days: SFU and I have gotten divorced, and it ain’t pretty.

I don’t want to talk about how I never really liked my classes at SFU and never should have endeavoured in our educational purpose together. This simply wouldn’t be true — I had a really good experience in my time at Simon Fraser, and am glad for the memories accrued and most — well, some — of the people I met. Rather, I’d prefer to say I’m taking the role of the unfaithful husband and dead beat dad whose wife and kids never want to see again.

As much as I enjoyed being in a relationship with SFU, there is no question that I took our time together for granted. Once SFU had accepted my request to study in her academic halls, I never fully appreciated the idea that the marriage could come to an end — I never concerned myself with fulfilling my duties as a student. I drank, I slept around, I ignored my time with the homework, and I often claimed to be listening to those giving a lecture when really I was not.

I never stopped to make myself realize that I was in a special situation and needed to be grateful for every time SFU let me inside her, um, Academic Quadrangle. I acted as though I could do anything I wanted and there would never be any reason for me to leave, little did I know neglecting your classes and abusing your library card privileges could lead to passing courses and eventually acquiring a degree.

So last semester I found myself trying to take it all back — I told SFU I needed her, that I didn’t mean it when I declared an extended minor in Philosophy, and I promised I would try to retain knowledge from my weekly readings if only she’d let me stick around just a little while longer. But SFU wasn’t having any of it, she told me she had given me enough second chances (thanks, bell curve), and she simply couldn’t bear the sight of me anymore. She then notified me that I should be expecting to be served with that dreaded piece of paper: an undergraduate degree noterized by Michael Stevenson.

I begged and I pleaded, I phoned SFU at nine in the morning while I was still drunk from the night before, I even left a bouquet of flowers at the base of the mountain. I realize now it was all for not. My time with SFU has come to an end, she is moving on without me and believes herself to be all the better for it.

Meanwhile I sit here unemployed on my parents’ futon, grieving over what once was.

Things I most enjoyed watching

2007-12-24T06:57:00.000-08:00

So here's another list of my favourite things from 2007, because it's important. Again I'm just going to throw a group of things up here without giving them any definitive order.

Movies

No Country For Old Men - If you heard me talk about this movie, this probably isn't surprising. The closest thing to a 'perfect' movie I can ever remember seeing. Sure, I don't have any rankings on this list, but this movie was by far the best one I saw this year. It could also be the best Coen brothers movie, I'm pretty sure I like it more than Fargo the more I think about it.

Grindhouse - I don't ever remember having my adrenalin flowing during a movie. Planet Terror was funny and ridiculous, while Death Proof made me want to rip out the seat in front of me from tension.

2 Days in Paris - I have to thank Cam for getting me to go see this movie, it's a rom-com that is genuinely funny and interesting. The dialogue is probably the best part, but Adam Goldberg is pretty amazing in this.

Du levande (You the Living) - Mike and I saw this at VIFF, and it is easily the strangest movie I saw this year. It explores the mediocrity of life while following the daydreams of a girl who is lovesick for a musician all leading up to a pretty bizarre ending. There isn't really much of a story other than the daily habits of a couple people, but it really doesn't matter.

This Is England - taught me I can laugh at skinheads and even sympathize with them at the same time. Not at all the kind of movie I was expecting, and it has some pretty great acting.

TV

30 Rock - this is pretty much the only television show I care to consistently download and watch. Maybe it's because I can only stomach comedy shows now.

How I Met Your Mother - sure, it fits more into the mold of a regular sitcom, but it does the best job of making it different and interesting. Pretty much the only 'filmed in front of an audience' show that bothers to try new things.

The Office - continues to expand upon its legacy as something completely different from the British version, while being just as funny.

Note: I'm going to start watching The Wire today. In like two hours.

One Sentence Story (based on this morning)

2007-12-23T09:22:00.000-08:00

Although I had refused the piece of grapefruit, they continued to argue if the fact there was brown sugar on it would affect my decision.

One Sentence Story (based on last night)

2007-12-17T13:44:00.000-08:00

As I rose from the bench to catch the bus, I turned to the man I had just been talking to and gave him a dollar for every year he had been in prison.

I am leaving Vancouver in six days

2007-12-14T00:46:00.000-08:00

2007-12-12T01:20:00.000-08:00

Apparently my life fits into seven boxes and four pieces of luggage.

Your daily insight into my personality

2007-12-07T17:04:00.001-08:00

In high school, I thought the expression "No shit, Sherlock," was a really witty retort.

Because it's the thing to do

2007-12-06T21:27:00.000-08:00

In light of the year ending, I'm going to throw up my favourite albums from this year, in no particular order (I could decide places, I just don't see the point). All I will say is that it was an fairly accessible and pop-friendly year for me.

Radiohead, In Rainbows - I will admit it took me a little bit to come around on this one, but I don't think I've had any other album on repeat as much as this one.

Spoon, Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga - Before I heard In Rainbows, I didn't think there was going to be any album that sounded as complete as this in 2007. And I really haven't heard an honest to goodness rock record that I've liked throughout in some time.

Sunset Rubdown, Random Spirit Lover - I also took a bit of time to get really into this, but my man crush on Spencer Krug just keeps on growing, the fact it is fairly different from the last record finally made me love it. I had originally reviewed it and gave it about 75% — I take that back.

Handsome Furs, Plague Park - Not much to say other than I would take Dan Boeckner's guitar riffs before I would take a raft if I were drowning in an ocean.

Jens Lekman, Night Falls Over Kortedala - I will take the words out of my future 60-year-old self's description of an elegant meal; "It's just lovely"

Of Montreal, Hissing Fauna Are You The Destroyer? - The Of Montreal record that got me liking Of Montreal.

Corb Lund, Horse Soldier! Horse Soldier! - I have only been listening to this for about two weeks, but I have found my inner cowboy.

I'm going to stop there, because those are the records that I can think of off the top of my head that really stood out this year. I think I'd be able to remember anything else if it really was my favourite (though I am knowingly excluding some very good records).

Emoting all up in your browser grill

2007-12-05T00:52:00.000-08:00

Belated musical musings #1: Britney Spears, Blackout

2007-12-01T15:36:00.000-08:00

I wrote a couple of record reviews a little while ago that didn't end up getting posted for one reason or another on the site I had written them for, so I decided I might as well throw them up here. Here's the first one:

Britney Spears, Blackout

It wasn’t very far in to listening to Blackout that I started to wonder when, exactly, Britney Spears was judged on her musical merit. There is no doubt she has had some chart-topping hits with those “infectious” beats that the public adores (“Toxic,” anyone?), but those hits weren’t so much hers as they were the brainchilds of her various songwriters and producers. She is a pop star, not a musician. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the whole basis for her success the fact that she was a virginal 17-year-old who could move her body provocatively?

As we later discovered, she lied about being a virgin. But for the years leading up to her previous release In The Zone, she maintained her status as an unattainable sex object. That’s what Britney Spears is — or at least was. Her unwillingness to discuss her sexuality publicly, but her blatant enthusiasm for flaunting her breasts and (clothed) vagina in photo shoots and album cover sleeves were what the majority of the public was exposed to. Sure, people bought her CDs, but I think this was primarily because they wanted to be part of the spectacle that is Britney Spears.

Four years and only one new album later, she is still as much of a spectacle as ever — just for completely opposite reasons. We all know she went from 'hot chick with a snake draped over her shoulders kissing Madonna' to 'mother of two who is completely oblivious to anything other than Starbucks and the paparazzi.'

While listening to the uncharacteristically self-referential “Piece of me” off her new album, I couldn’t help but think that maybe Britney’s lying to us again. She used her faux virginity to sell albums, so why can’t she use her image as a completely unfit mother and human being to rack up the sales? She knows the attention she’s getting, and is apparently more aware than anyone that any publicity (no matter how many custody battles and vagina portraits are included) is good publicity.

Before anything else, it’s all about Britney. Before the music, before K-Fed, and before even her own children, apparently, it’s all about Britney making some money. She was bread to be a money making machine, and she’s working effectively as ever. She doesn’t need to tour stadiums and arenas and perform for her fans; she performs daily for the paparazzi as she tours all of her local fast food outlets.

This might be a good thing, because after watching her performance at the MTV VMAs, I’m really not all that confident she could dance along to any of the songs on Blackout. Every track on this album is designed for the club; forget any of those bold Britney ballads of yesteryear like “Lucky” or “Sometimes.” It’s probably because “Toxic” was her last hit that every song can in one way or another be traced back to that song in tempo and subject matter. These new songs are about Britney and they are about sex. In this sense, the record sort of has the same kind of one-track-mind that you normally associate with a 14-year-old boy. Which is fitting given Britney’s seeming inability to focus on anything other than drinking and fucking in her personal life.

It’s almost as though Britney sat down with her producers and said “Listen, you know how I’m being portrayed in the media. I look like an incompetent slut. Write songs about that.” Why else would we now get to hear her sing “touch me and I come [sic?] alive” — she’s practically admitting she’s driven by sex.

But the subject matter of the songs is irrelevant. It’s not like we are getting a window into her “tortured” soul and finding out why she is such a terrible mother who cares as little about her career as her children. She’s just singing about what you expect to hear on a pop star’s record; sex, fame, and more sex. The beats are passable, they will get some feet tapping and some booties shaking, but as a whole the album gets a bit boring with the lack of variety in the production. If I went to dance clubs, I’d equate listening to this album with a slow night at the club where you just, like, “vibe” and shit. People do that, right?

Also, she can still sing, so if anyone actually appreciated her for her “talent,” there’s no reason they are going to stop after listening to this album.

Everyone is still fascinated with Britney, and why wouldn’t we be? She’s in the media every day. We are all waiting to hear what she’ll do next. The fact that she’s put out an album and is doing practically no promotion for it is something for us to get excited about. It doesn’t matter what the album actually sounds like unless it sounds like a complete train wreck of a record — which it doesn’t. It is merely one more thing for us to watch Britney create, and then completely ignore.

Breaking (bones) News

2007-11-30T14:21:00.001-08:00

Daredevil Evel Knievel died today at age 69, the sexiest and most dangerous number of them all.

2007-11-30T00:17:00.000-08:00

I had my last class of university, ever, today. Unless for some reason I end up going to journalism school, which is pretty doubtful at this point.

While I did recognize and appreciate the fact it was the last class I'd ever be taking, I spent most of my time writing a paragraph about why it was the perfect way to end it. There was a lot of extended discussion, much of it irrelevant and repetitive, which is because the first half of the class were presentations on final papers. The second half of class, which was a lecture, was interesting, but it was all I could do to pay attention to a couple sentences at a time.

I'm fine with it. It's weird. It hasn't hit me. I still have three papers to finish and hand in. I don't care about them.

One Sentence Story

2007-11-28T00:34:00.000-08:00

[Note: lately I've been seeing a lot of links on various sites and blogs pop-up about one sentence stories. I'm not going to link to any single one, because there is so many, just type the phrase into Google. Anyway, here's my go at one.]

Stuck in the nook of the church window again, I prioritized.

2007-11-26T08:45:00.001-08:00

Tim Barber put up a photo I sent him in his most recent edition of various submitted photographs on his site Tiny Vices.

I'm adjusting to watching movies with movie critics

2007-11-25T00:34:00.000-08:00

In about the past two weeks I've been to four movies; one was a normal screening I paid for, another was a free preview screening, and the other two were press screenings. Out of all of them, the 'crowds' that bothered me most were probably the ones at the two press screenings. Incidentally, I'm pretty sure both times it was the same group of critics at the theatre.

Maybe it's something about being a jaded movie critic, but for some reason a couple of them seemed to think they deserved a hassle free, royalty-esque experience. At the second screening, we had to switch to another theatre from the the original one because the reel broke (this was before the movie even started). We moved to the theatre right next door. It produced a delay of about two minutes. One critic said "Oh, not too far," and another said, "Far enough," with no level of sarcasm in his voice.

My main thought was, "Man, you review movies for a living." I was perfectly happy to switch theatres to watch a movie for free that otherwise would've cost me around $12. Beyond that, I'm writing for a university paper, I'm not even getting paid to be there. My net gain of the whole episode was the free cup of coffee the theatre offered. Sure, it wasn't great coffee, but I didn't complain. It was free. I was one cup of coffee up on the rest of the non-movie=reviewing population.

Other than that — and I guess this makes sense — practically every critic at the screening there knew one another. The problem is this resulted in me hearing some inane and pretentious chit-chat about movies that had either just been released or were about to.

Have you ever been sitting in a movie theatre where you over hear some guy talking as if he knows everything about cinema? And you just assume he's full of shit? It sort of felt like that. Granted, they are all working critics whose opinions I'd probably agree with for the most part, but I still found myself wishing they would talk about the weather or, like, sports. I think my annoyance with this whole experience could also stem from the fact I was a little jealous I wasn't part of their group. I don't get paid to do what they do, and they really have no reason to value my opinion because of that. That being said, it's not as if I tried to enter in the conversation. I just sat and read Savage Love in The Georgia Straight until the lights went out.

I'm pretty sure I got recognized by at least two people at the second screening, as in they realized I was also at the previous movie. I'm going to another one on Monday, maybe I'll try to join their pre-movie conversation.

To clarify, I do realize trying to talk to them could be a possible opportunity for networking, but I also realize that I could come off like an annoying student journalist who thinks he can change the world with his fervent review of I'm Not There.

2007-11-20T01:14:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been wishing war didn't exist.

Not so much actual war, just the word.

It's getting old when people think it's hilarious/unique/mildy-amusing to take my name 'Warren' and quickly alter it into 'War-n-peace' as some sort of nickname.

I don't care that you can create a play-on-words dichotomy with my name. It's lame.

Also, if we can get literal here for a second, if I were both war and peace, wouldn't I be like sucked back into myself as some never ending vortex or something?

Our old dining room table

2007-11-18T14:12:00.000-08:00

2007-11-18T14:09:00.001-08:00

My major gripe with TransLink

2007-11-14T19:58:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, during hockey season, they begin flashing "Go Canucks Go" on the front of busses.

How dare they presume I am a Canucks fan.

No Country For Old Men

2007-11-11T09:49:00.000-08:00

is one of the best films I've ever seen.

Pretty sure I was supposed to mature in university

2007-11-07T22:03:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's because I'm in my fourth straight (yes, I'm aware that many of my friends have done this many semesters or more in a row) and final semester, or it's because it's my third straight semester working at The Peak, but I've been kind of an asshole lately.

Not in the 'awesome,' 'lady attracting' asshole sense. More just in the jaded, bitter, irritable asshole sense. I can't be bothered to speak to anyone in my classes I don't already know, I can't be bothered to make a comment in class that isn't in some way trying to challenge an author or classmate's viewpoint, I can't be bothered to do my job as opinions editor very well, and I sure as fuck can't be bothered to be someone who thinks before he speaks.

The amount of offhand comments I have made about teachers, classmates, co-workers, and contributors in the past few weeks that should've been under my breath or not uttered at all, are pretty staggering. There's no reason for me to inform everyone in the room what I think of so-and-so, but apparently lately I think there is. All must know that I think this and that is garbage and bullshit. And all are pretty likely to figure out that the only reason I think such-and-such is bullshit is because I'm an asshole who can't get up in the morning with a smile on his face (I'm still not sure if this condition is caused by the fact that the first thing I do in the morning is listen to "Waterloo Sunset" by The Kinks and then read Perez Hilton).

I've sort of taken on the mindset of a teenager in his final year of high school — minus the self-confidence. Lately for me, it's all about loathing (self and otherwise), I don't quite have the idealistic vision of my unlimited potential. I, like every undergraduate student on the verge of graduating who has existed ever in all of time, am very unsure of what I'm doing when I'm done school. I'm moving back East for a bit, most likely to Montreal. But I don't speak French, so I'll probably end up washing dishes or calling from a centre. But there's no definite end to that in sight, I don't know what I'll be doing or where I'll be doing it come May.

And maybe it's a symptom of my loath-a-thon, but I'm just about ready to wish global warming would put a stop to rain. I think I've had enough rain for a while. I miss the bitter, aching agony of snow. I miss being able to pull off the fact that I do not own an umbrella.

The long and the short of it is, if you know me, and you see me acting like an asshole, it's nothing personal against you. Though I may do my damnedest to make you think it is, it's just because four straight months of school coupled with three straight months of work make Warren a dull boy. And when he's dull, he needs to start acting like an asshole to make his life more interesting.

Zach Galifianakis deserves your money

2007-11-06T09:38:00.000-08:00

Robert Goulet's legacy

2007-10-31T12:13:00.000-07:00

(I couldn't find a streaming version of his appearance on The Simpsons)

2007-10-29T19:09:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure if I procrastinate from writing essays in my final semester because I know I'm about to be done or because I don't want to leave.

Two nights at the movies

2007-10-27T11:16:00.000-07:00

Aside from attending a pretty spectacular Sunset Rubdown show on Thursday night at The Plaza (yeah, I know, The Plaza), I also made it out this week to watch two movies; The Darjeeling Limited and Control. Being a university student as well as a student journalist who enjoys writing about arts, I guess I'm pretty much predisposed to both be a Wes Anderson fan and interested in the life of Ian Curtis from Joy Division. That being said, I didn't like either of these movies — though I didn't particularly dislike them either.

The Darjeeling Limited

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping Wes Anderson was going to try something a little different for his fifth film, and maybe he thought adding a 10-minute short film prologue was different. My problem with the short is that it feels like it was only done for promotion of the movie, as it really should've simply been part of the movie. It also might have been just been an elaborate means of having extensively long credits for a clip with only two people in it (but don't worry, you do get to find out Wes Anderson's brother Eric did all the drawings on the suitcases).

Luckily, the short screened before the film at the theatre we saw the movie at, as apparently not all theatres are doing this. If you haven't seen the short before you see the movie, you are going to miss out on a couple of the film's better jokes (which really aren't all that great anyway), and you might also find yourself wondering why Natalie Portman is sitting on a bed in a hotel room during a montage late in the film. I can't speak to what the short is like if you simply watch it on its own, but I really don't think it could be very remarkable.

As for the movie itself, it would be very easy to confirm many Anderson fans' worry that this movie is just 'Wes Anderson in India,' because it is. But that's not completely fair, as he does try to do some things new, particularly with a few dramatic scenes, which I thought were the best parts of the movie. However, his trademark sense of humour is all too prevalent in the dialogue and visuals. And once again we are faced with the story of a dysfunctional family striving to make amends, while dealing with personal stories of love and love lost along the way. Anderson has been very successful in his past movies at evoking humour out of awkward situations, but maybe that's all he knows how to do as he tries too hard to ensure this film is chalk full of it. There were too many times that I anticipated a certain type of joke coming, and at points, almost the exact line.

That being said, this is probably because I've seen each of his movies many, many times, and anyone who sees this movie with no familiarity of Anderson's work is probably going to enjoy it a fair bit. Some people might not think there's anything wrong with someone sticking with what their good at, but for me, I think it's getting a little boring. Having seen the small steps he's made in a different direction with this movie, I'd really like to see Wes Anderson direct a full-on drama.

Control

I'd feel a little bad criticizing director Anton Corbijn or any of the actors in this movie, because honestly, they all do a very good job. This film is really well done, and I think almost any Joy Division fan is going to really like it. But what I realized after watching this, and thinking back to what I thought about Walk the Line, is that I just don't like biopics. I don't think I've ever seen one that I liked, particularly if they follow a very linear story line.

Sure, Walk the Line was also well acted and all that, but much like Control, it tries to tell too much in such a short time. Everything happens while at the same time practically nothing happens. Any characters other than the lead are rarely developed very well, so then you have to base what the lead does almost solely on his reactions to what seem like minor interactions.

I don't think you ever really get the sense of why Ian Curtis's wife loves him enough to try to stay with him through his infidelity, nor do you really get to see how much of an effect his seizures had on his day-to-day life. The movie is trying to show you all of the formative points of Curtis's life from high school up to his death, and I think that's just too much for a movie to do that isn't even two hours long. I think it could've been much more interesting to focus on the period of when the band first hears they are going on a U.S. tour, to when Curtis's wife is going to divorce him, to when a riot is started at a concert because Curtis won't go on stage, with the eventual culmination in Curtis's suicide.

Sure, the shenanigans of Curtis and his friends in high school were funny, but they really didn't do much to convince me of the man's tortured genius.

Probably worst of all is I'm not sure the film makes it clear why exactly Curtis hangs himself. Cam didn't think the movie made it seem like he was justified, and I think I agree. I know he was driven to it because of his personal problems and medical condition only because I've read about it. To me the movie barely made the seizures look like more than an inconvenience that made pretty girls feel bad for him. Sure, they have Curtis's character talking about how they affect him, but more visual demonstrations would've gone a long way.

I guess my problem is that it can be too easy to get swept up in a beautifully shot black and white film with good acting and, at times, hilarious dialogue. How often does a movie that isn't a biopic try to tell a character's life story and do it well? I can't begin to think of one. The Aviator? No thanks. I think the best movies that strive to focus on a character succeed when they feature a select period of time that doesn't necessarily begin worry-free and go on to highlight all of the ups and downs. I think in this case, a series of downs followed by a momentary up and then one final down, would've been much more effective.

A bad sign?

2007-10-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure I've begun to dream pieces of my memory lost to me through alcohol.

Live-blogging my experience of watching the 2007 movie Zeitgeist

2007-10-21T13:16:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if you've heard of Zeitgeist, but it's something like the number one most viewed movie on Google video.

I'm about to watch it and I'm not exactly sure what it's about, though I'm pretty sure it has to do with the United States government and conspiracy theories surrounding 9/11 and the Iraq war.

I will offer my thoughts on the movie as it progresses, and log them based at what time in the movie I'm at.

0:00:11: Man, am I watching an episode of Dr. Who or The Twilight Zone right now?

0:00:27: Dude. Explosions are sweet. I don't care that no one's even said anything yet. Fire makes my mind pay attention.

0:01:47: Shit's getting real. WE ARE ALL PART OF THE UNIVERSE. Wait, why are they just showing footage of outer space?

0:05:06: It's about time you showed the title of the movie. Geez. I can only watch so many explosions and photos of people crying.

0:05:57: Wait, wait a minute . . . man created religion? YOU JUST BLEW MY FUCKING MIND. I had never, ever considered that. Ever. And people are lying all the time? EARTH-SHATTERING REVELATION. Guys this movie is so good.

0:07:00: Due this movie would be so crazy if I were high, all these crazy colours and shit.

0:08:26: George Carlin is funny, but I'm not sure I'd use his stand-up routine to talk about how religion is just a money-making shceme.

0:09:45: I'm at Part 1 now? What were the last 10 minutes? This movie is pretty presumptuous to think it's first part is "The Greatest Story Ever Told."

0:11:17: Some loser is talking about the Sun and the Zodiac. Show me more explosions and let me listen to George Carlin be funny again.

0:13:00: "Broadly speaking"? What does that mean? Am I supposed to be surprised the stories of all Gods are the same? If Gods do exist, wouldn't it make since they have the same "general characteristics"?

0:15:43: God this guy is speaking very quickly. And the fact he is speaking in a sarcastic tone of voice would no way influence some of the more impressionable viewers out there.

0:19:00: Basically, Jesus = the Sun, and the season of spring = salvation. Yeah, sure, why not? But I feel inclined to say again, if God is real and did create the universe, this would all make sense, would it not? It's very convenient, but it in no way disproves the existence of a God.

0:25:15: "All Jesus is saying is . . ." So you've just tried to prove that Jesus doesn't exist, and now you are trying to use a mistranslation of a quote of something he says in The Bible to prove something. Oh wait, the you're saying that Jesus doesn't exist again. So, uh, yeah. SHOW MORE EXPLOSIONS! . . . wait, wait, Jesus isn't real because his story was stolen from the story of an Egyptian God. So, Egyptian Gods are real, but Jesus is totally fake.

0:30:46: Oh man, that is a cute little cartoon Devil. Totally making me ignore the questionable connection you just tried to make.

0:33:00: You just contradicted yourself? Right? Oh, it's okay if you say "at best." Oh, and now you are using the words "political" and "motivations" without explaining exactly what those are. Nice. But you used George Carlin in your movie, so I'm still okay with this . . . Oh I get it, this audio clip of some guy whose name your not even crediting is explaining how religion is used to control societies.

0:37:00: Woo, Part 2, Explosions are back! Sure, 9/11 was a tragedy, but look at all dem flames! Now they have clips of people saying "explosion," also sweet. The word is almost as cool as the image.

0:43:18: "Apparently," "probably," "virtually," and "seems" are pretty useful words.

0:47:00: Playing audio from Loose Change, another 9/11 conspiracy theory movie definitely helps prove your case. Especially when he's talking about "scientific" facts, despite the fact he's not a scientist . . . Oh, good idea to use him again. And Ed Begley, Jr.

0:54:00: A typo in the text of your movie, nice. Really suggests you've spent a lot of time checking things.

1:02:21: Oooh they just changed a newspaper headline to say "bull shit," those graphics were so cool, man. Yeah, the media is "bull shit."

1:05:51: Oh they are giving me the 911 Truth now. Well, thank God. Guess what? It was an inside job! I don't feel safe anymore! This movie is convincing me that is is right with fear . . . similar to how they claim the government uses fear to control society. Also, you can apparently leap to giant conclusions by a process of elimination, well not so much elimination, but exclusion through doubt.

1:11:12: Oh we are at Part 3 now, "Don't Mind the Men Behind the Curtain." Is this movie about to be about some sort of weird branch of pedophiles that go to a school plays . . . Oh, showing me quotes from historical figures is definitely pretty relevant to today.

1:14:08: Debt = slavery, you guys. The founding fathers were aware of it.

1:25:40: I really can't help but think this movie was just made by some guy in his parents' basement.

1:28:40: You see, the problem is, by showing newspaper headlines that talk about probabilities, you really shouldn't be able to claim those as facts. And apparently because Pearl Harbor wasn't properly defended, it was provoked and wanted . . . Swastikas! Eww! Evil! I will believe what ever you are saying while they are on the screen.

1:34:00: 9/11 started a war against us and our rights! I'm frightened again!

1:41:50: This guy is telling me I'm dumb. I'm angry now, too. He's saying it's my government's fault. Grr.

1:46:43: Being a filmmaker gives you automatic credibility.

1:51:31: Sweet the cool images are back! They are almost hypnotic. Relevance! And this music is pretty rad.

1:53:20: He's quoting Jimi Hendrix talking about love, Hendrix must've been right, man. Forget how many drugs he did, he was a philosopher.

1:55:20: John Lennon's death was a conspiracy. That was just implied. MARK DAVID CHAPMAN WAS A PUPPET.

1:56:10: Interesting how this movie doesn't accredit a writer, director, or producer. Kind of interesting. But you know, all those explosions, psychedelic images, and audio clips were pretty cool, so I've got to believe this movie is well made and well thought out.

Old News

2007-10-17T12:39:00.000-07:00

An editorial cartoon I did for The Peak a few weeks ago.

Breaking News

2007-10-17T00:46:00.000-07:00

Cleveland Indians near World Series, moderate racists rejoice.

Though I may be emotionally underdevloped and immature . . .

2007-10-16T00:47:00.000-07:00

If the cast of The Hills are supposed to represent people who have been in long-term relationships and are able to deal with their emotions, I think I'm doing just fine.

a) I don't wear 'friendship bracelets'

b) I don't often need someone to tell me when I'm being overbearing

c) I have never dated someone, seen what kind of person they are, watched them become an alcoholic convicted felon, and still continued to keep in touch with them

Transcript of parts of an episode of Heroes with any references to super powers removed

2007-10-07T00:09:00.000-07:00

Season 1, Episode 23 (Finale)
"How to Stop an Exploding Man"

[INT. ISAAC MENDEZ’S LOFT – NIGHT]

(Sylar dabs the paintbrush in the red paint on the pallet. He looks at the empty canvass in front of him.)

CAPTION:
ISAAC MENDEZ’S LOFT
NEW YORK CITY

SYLAR: Peter Petrelli.

---

[INT. KIRBY PLAZA BUILDING – HALLWAY (FLOOR 42) -- NIGHT]

(Niki has her arm around DL as they cautiously make their way through the hallway.)

NIKI: I'm not leaving you. You'll die if I do.

DL: I can't go with you, Nik. You have to do this alone. You have to find Micah.

NIKI: I can't.

DL: You can. You were strong enough. You always have been.

---

[EXT./INT. UNDERGROUND PARKING GARAGE – CONTINUOUS]

[PETER AND NATHAN]

(Nathan plays it cool.)

NATHAN: What are you talking about?

(Peter turns around. He finds the car passenger door open and Claire gone.)

PETER: Claire?

(Peter checks the car and sees it is empty. He moves away from Nathan.)

PETER: Claire?

(Nathan runs after Peter.)

NATHAN: Peter!

---

CLAIRE: I already have a family.

(Claire turns and runs. She jumps – SMASH!)

NATHAN: NO!

(Claire jumps out of the window.)

---

HIRO: (subtitled) This man is ready.

ANDO: Hiro.

(Hiro turns around.)

ANDO: (subtitled) You look bad ass.

---

[EXT. KIRBY PLAZA – NIGHT]

(We continue where we left off.)

SYLAR: Haven't I killed you before?

PETER: Didn't take.

---

PETER: I love you, Nathan.

NATHAN: I love you too.

(Nathan glances up at the sky.)

NATHAN: You ready?

PETER: (nods) Yeah.

---

MOLLY: Wait!

(Molly breaks away from Mohinder and runs over to Matt’s gurney as the paramedics head toward the ambulance.)

MOLLY: (pleads) Please don't die, Officer Parkman. You're my hero.

---

MR. BENNET: Let's go home.

CLAIRE: Hmph. Home where? Our house burned down.

MR. BENNET: Home is anywhere our family is together.

[END]

I am a caveman and fights in hockey are amazing

2007-10-06T10:21:00.000-07:00

As much as I hear David Letterman is an egocentric asshole, he is now my hero

2007-09-29T14:09:00.000-07:00

Jay Leno would never do this.

2007-09-24T22:55:00.000-07:00

An editorial cartoon I did for this week's Peak.

Photos I've taken that might embarass people who forgot I took them

2007-09-22T18:23:00.000-07:00

Got a gun and named it after a girlfriend

2007-09-17T20:34:00.000-07:00

I've seemingly joined the anti-blogging bandwagon, mainly because I've been trying to save my best ideas for, well, pretty much anything other than my own personal blog.

Partly because I'm lazy, and partly because I think some of my ideas have been pretty good lately. I'd rather save them for something more . . . glamorous. (High Fidelity reference anyone?)

Speaking of the glamour and the glitz and the like, I recently interviewed Douglas Coupland about an art show he has in the SFU gallery, and then wrote a story about the whole shebang for The Peak, which you can read here.

I've recently begun to listen to a lot of Jens Lekman, and I recommend him to anyone with a taste for folk music and a love of odd lyrics infused with puns.

2007-09-12T00:15:00.000-07:00

This just in, Warren Haas predates The Onion

2007-09-10T14:32:00.000-07:00

So apparently it's not only Cam who is on the ball and blogging years in advance of bloggers, but I myself too have crafted an internet idea long before it is picked up by a "real website"

Read my post from nearly a year ago, then read this recently published Onion article.

Not quite the same thing, I know, but still. I know I am normally pretty modest, but I'm just going to go ahead and say I influenced The Onion.

Victory Square Block Party

2007-09-05T00:29:00.000-07:00

Though I was there in part to cover the event for The Peak, I probably spent more time photographing the locals, the creepily enthusiastic kid dance partners, and the vampires.

2007-09-01T01:59:00.000-07:00

I don't think I needed any reminder as to why we were moving out, but it's 2 am and the people upstairs are pumping bass like it's about to go out of style.

And I just got home from a long day of work, I was going to sleep, but, you know, it's kind of hard when the walls are shaking.

I made sure to never order a nanaimo bar while I was in Nanaimo and its surrounding area

2007-08-27T18:54:00.000-07:00

Something I would like to submit as a review for a CD or film if I ever secure a job as a reviewer

2007-08-27T09:23:00.000-07:00

-Um, I don't know, it's kind of hard to describe.

I didn't understand why Sidney, B.C. was the sister city of Cairns, Australia so I went to Victoria instead

2007-08-26T15:22:00.001-07:00

There is a rock that has been painted white, either because there is a town called White Rock or because someone wanted there to be one

2007-08-25T18:22:00.001-07:00

For Cam and Mike (and Michael Everton even though I've never met him)

2007-08-24T17:20:00.000-07:00

(I'm in Nanaimo)

I almost got run over by a tour bus today

2007-08-23T18:28:00.001-07:00

(I'm in Victoria)

Things I could do if I were immortal

2007-08-20T01:23:00.000-07:00

-Go to the movies every Friday and Saturday, forever

-Finish a lot of crosswords

-Earn billions of dollars through investments, eventually

-Get really good at bridge

-Do more wine tasting than the average person

-Be able to reschedule any appointment

-Bore an unending amount of generations of young people with stories about how things were better when I was their age

An open letter to celebrity couples that adopt children

2007-08-17T16:54:00.000-07:00

I'm sure it's nice to adopt children from impoverished nations and turn them into spoiled little scally wags. Ms. Jolie, you obviously love it, I mean you adopted kids before you were even officially dating Mr. Pitt.

However, one thing that I think is being over-looked by all of you celebrities adopting and the media, is what could potentially happen down the line with your children as they grow older and everyone is all very aware that they are not your biological children.

Does no one remember what happened between Mia Farrow and Woody Allen? Yeah. You probably forgot. Okay, the girl, Soon-Yi Previn, was not technically even Mr. Allen's adopted daughter, but you know, things happened.

All I'm saying to all you ladies who love adoptin', is keep your eyes fucking peeled.

Yes.

I am implying Brad Pitt appears to be a little too friendly with Zahara.

Don't always listen to Nelly when it gets hot in here

2007-08-13T18:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went down to London Spy's practice space to take some photos and try to jam with my harmonica. It didn't really work out that well. Special appearence by Luke as "the drummer."

Barbering with scissors

2007-08-11T15:26:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else feel like it's very primitive that we still uses scissors to cut hair? I mean sure we have different types of scissors — there are fancy hair cutting scissors specifically designed for it — but essentially we are using two knives stuck together to cut something. Hasn't our society advanced enough to warrant an invention that would allow barbers to use something better than what cavemen probably first invented as a means to trim hair?

Oh sure, there is Flowbee, but that's just really nothing more than taking a vacuum and sticking it to your scalp. Any kind of vacuum should never be anywhere near your face. There's a reason why your parents tell you to not play with vacuums when you're a kid, it's because you might suck your frigging eyeball out.

I think there should a) already be a better invention than that for cutting hair, and b) be universally accepted as the new method for haircutting.

I get it, it is called a "haircut" and the use of "cut" implies a knife-like object attacking your hair, but "hairstyling" is now commonly used instead, and high-end barbers are often referred to as "stylists." I don't think anyone doing any styling on my head should be using something that they could potentially stab out-my-eyes/me-to-death with.

I can just picture the first caveman haircut gone wrong; the 'customer' isn't happy with the length and in a fit of rage that is devoid of a verbal outlet for expression grabs the knife or two knifes strung together from the 'barber' and murders him in primal stone age fashion. Or conversely, a barber holds a grudge against a customer and uses their trimming sheers to exact revenge more severe than a mushroom cut.

I think the Flowbee inventor was on the right track, he clearly saw the danger in letting us continue entrusting our hair and lives in some guy/girl with scissors. I honestly think I might start buzzing my own head with a razor so I can know that I won't get murdered by a barber having an off day or a stylist out for revenge against the dent I accidentally put in his car while I parked mine.

The point is, you never know what can happen to you when you go to get your haircut. Make peace with your family, say "I love you" to everyone you see, and finalize your will before you go to your next appointment.

Things I learned about myself from contemplating flaws in my personality while doing crosswords in a laundromat

2007-08-10T00:24:00.000-07:00

-I am more likely to refer to a lawn as a yard.

-I only know that alto and tenor are vocal ranges.

-I am not familiar with any actor who hasn't been in a movie since 2002.

-The more often I fly places, the more terrified of flying I become. I just feel like I am pushing my luck.

-I find it odd that I never really hear the expression "To irk someone" very often

-I don't get what all the rage about Lake Erie is among crossword creators

-I am too afraid to step in between two sketchy characters fighting over the placement of laundry baskets

-It can take me as much as five minutes to figure out the answer to Mom's mates is "Dads"

-I blame this time delay on the fact my parents are divorced. Kidding.

-I never knew that to "rap" someone means to hit them hard. I thought you could only rap on doors as you knocked.

-I would rather keep $0.25 for an extra 4-5 minutes in the dryer than give it to a homeless guy who called me sir.

I'm going to start a new genre of films called Wallywood

2007-08-09T09:33:00.000-07:00

Someone in Los Angeles, California has been googling my name and coming here.

Rather than believe there is another person on this earth named Warren Haas, I choose to believe I am very famous and my prescence is desired in Hollywood. I'm pretty sure it is Sean Stewart or his agent who are researching my hilarity.

If it's Steven Spielberg, fuck you. I'm not interested.

If it's Steven Seagal . . . I'm listening.

If it's Chris Tucker looking for a new buddy for a new buddy comedy ("Oreos ain't just cookies no more, they also a crazy funny crime fighting team!"), I am also listening

2007-08-05T13:12:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've ever been so hungover in my life.

And, Kellen and I lost the ipod battle. It may have been due to the fact that I drunkenly kicked out the chord connecting Kellen's ipod to the sound system while one of our songs was playing. But our songs were awesome.

"Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls. Bitch please, that shit is the rage.

Oh, Cam is right, 2 Days in Paris is a pretty great movie. Go see it when it comes out.

Options for Facebook photo album titles other than 'random'

2007-08-03T01:43:00.000-07:00

-Arbitrary

-Out of the blue

-Spontaneous

-Spur of the moment

-Events not scheduled beforehand

-Unsystematic

-I really wasn't expecting any of these things to happen to me on a Tuesday

2007-08-03T00:49:00.001-07:00

There's something terribly wrong with this. So, so wrong.

CBC discovers the big stars

2007-08-01T00:54:00.000-07:00

This fall:
Jonathan Torrens stars in Rapidity, a sure fire action adventure. Co-starring Sandra Bullock, because her career is at about the same stage as it was when she got the part in Speed.

2007-07-31T00:27:00.000-07:00

I've spent around 12-14 hours over the past two days working on an essay. I researched it, mainly discovering there was very little secondary material on my topic. And then all I managed to do was write four pages. Yeah.

Throw in around probably four hours of YouTube in there, but still. Yeah. I'm productive.

On the upside, my Simpsons review is out just in time for everybody who has probably already seen the movie to read. But maybe you'll disagree with me and we can fight about it.

I'm trying to make up excuses for why I haven't been writing stuff on here that I find funny. It's school. It's schools fault. It's put me in a 'mood.'

And I still have one more essay to write this weekend.

Then maybe I can get around to posting my list "Things you can do if you are immortal" once McSweeney's rejects it.

2007-07-25T23:02:00.000-07:00

I caught a press screening of The Simpsons Movie this morning, which I will be reviewing in next week's Peak.

But the troubling part is that I really want to discuss it with other people. I'm finding it really hard not to telly everyone the whole plot, which was kept under wraps pretty heavily, and rightfully so. Mainly just because I think the plot lends to a lot of the jokes, and if you know what's coming you probably won't laugh as much.

Yes, I said it. Laugh. It's a funny movie. It's a good movie. It's not amazing, but I'm pretty comfortable in saying that it's better than any Simpsons episode I've seen in the last five years or so. So yeah, it's worth seeing. It's worth paying the money to see it in theatres. If you wait, there's a good chance a lot of the best jokes are going to get ruined by people wanting to repeat them.

Although one of the funnier parts of the movie was shown in the trailer, they've kept the best bits out. Be prepared for a completely Simpsons-centric movie. The secondary characters are used pretty sparingly, but it completely works.

I've already written my review, but it doesn't really say much I haven't said. Though I tried to make it much more vibrant than this half-assed blog entry.

2007-07-24T22:28:00.000-07:00

I don't know why people hate Tegan and Sara. But it seems like it's the indie thing to do.

If you like any form of 'pop' music, they can and very much will satisfy.

I will admit it's not the most complex stuff, but good god damn can they write a hook.

What-the-fuck-ever Warren listens to Tegan and Sara. Deal with it.

I'm a little drunk.

The Big Smoke

2007-07-19T00:16:00.001-07:00

As most of you know, this is the first time I've bothered to stick around in Vancouver for more than the traditional eight month school year, omitting my normal four month summer visit home to Toronto. And as much as I am enjoying Vancouver, staying here, I think I can officially say that I miss Toronto.

It could be that I'm slightly homesick, which I am, but it's also the fact that more time I spend away from Toronto, the more I realize how great of a city it is. Vancouver has a lot of things about it that I like, but when you grow up somewhere there are just some things about it that you just can't shake — you feel like every city you live in should have them.

I seriously miss the winters. I like -30 degree winters with blizzards preventing me from seeing half a block. Bundling up is fun. You deal with your frozen toes. I just prefer that kind of weather to overcast skies and lots of rain with somewhat warmer temperatures. I will tell you, some days in Vancouver can feel just as cold as a winter day in Toronto.

That being said, I don't really miss the summers. I do, when they are in the 20s, but as soon as it gets into the mid-30s I don't want to be there. With the smog (hence the name The Big Smoke) and humidity you can't move without sweating everywhere.

When the weather is nice in Toronto, it's one of the best cities for biking I've been in. As I stay at my parents' house (who don't live near downtown), I generally bike most places, and I can get to the downtown core in about 15-20 minutes. I can't really say the same for Vancouver, I mean if I lived in Strathcona or maybe Commercial I could definitely bike way more places, but the traffic and street layout just aren't as good for biking as Toronto. It's not the worst thing, there's just a point when you get sick of taking the bus everywhere.

Then of course there is the familiarity of where your from. Especially when you have 19 odd years to get used to a pretty big city, you have a pretty good idea of what's going on and where you want to go. I'm slowly learning these things about Vancouver, but admittedly it is taking longer than I'd like it.

This is a photo of the corner of Spadina and Queen in Toronto, and though none of the stores in the photo hold any particular significance for me, that intersection is one I've been to countless times. Generally as a meeting place with friends before heading elsewhere as it is right in the heart of the areas of downtown I prefer to frequent. Looking at the photo makes me wish I could bike down there right now.

Also, watching Degrassi: The Next Generation has made me want to go back there and beat some nerdy kids up. Okay, maybe not quite, but the show is filmed in Toronto, and every time they use some landmark I'm familiar with I get either all excited or annoyed at their misrepresentation of it. I should be a consultant.

I like the way things are going in Vancouver, but part of me still thinks I really need to get back to Toronto sometime.

Clarification

2007-07-18T22:21:00.000-07:00

In regards to my feelings about Superbad, I feel like I should clarify what I thought about it. This is because even though everyone knows I said I liked it, they keep saying I disliked it, just to bother me.

So everyone knows I liked it, but I'm going to go ahead and say I liked it, I just didn't like it as much as everyone else did, I guess.

It was funny, just not as funny as I was expecting. I will admit I was definitely expecting too much, but that doesn't mean I can't be disappointed. I'm considering going to the next advance screening just so I can see it again.

One thing I am sure of is I think Jonah Hill is annoying. He was pretty funny from about the P.B. scene on (I'm using initials as to not give away one of the best jokes in the movie), but whenever he was bitching at Evan or McLovin I just found him irritating and couldn't even concentrate on his dialogue.

Michael Cera is amazing, and the kid who plays McLovin is pure fucking gold. And I also have a man crush on Bill Hader. So, yeah, I thought it was funny, I just didn't think it was hilarious. There were several very funny parts, just nothing I thought was hilarious. Even though I could relate to Michael Cera and McLovin. Mix those two guys together and you have me in High School. Except I would never have the balls to get a fake ID.

In this old town

2007-07-14T14:49:00.000-07:00

I recently got some Holga photos developed, for the first time in a while, and I think the film got a little dated, and I kind of forgot what kind of light is suitable for Holgas. But here are a few shots that I like.

About a month ago, we had a birthday party in the park for the Morelli boys. We were supposed to play frisbee golf but instead ended up drinking beer and eating ice cream in the shade. It was in the park by Cambie and 33rd, I forget the name of it, but there were some statues there.

I met up with Mayana at the track a couple weeks ago. I didn't even realize that there was a race track about 10-15 minutes from my house. If I did, I would've lost a lot of money by now. I only lost $2 on this day.

Cam and I have kind of agreed that we live in a secret ghetto of Burnaby. This is a truck parked in the back yard of a house on our street where lots of people just sit on the porch and drink tall cans while their youngins run amock in the front yard.

100% off Ed Mirvish, today only

2007-07-12T00:25:00.000-07:00

Honest Ed died today, an event which for most of you who read this holds absolutely no meaning. But for anyone who grew up or lives in Toronto, you know him as the founder of the city's most famous eyesore.

Honest Ed's is a bargain store in Toronto that seriously has the best bargains ever. Granted, the quality of his products are less than questionable at best, but you can buy dresses and suits for $4. I am not exagerating. Sandals for $0.99, bed sheets for $6, the store has absolutely everything.

I used to go past it every day on my way to school, and my favourite thing about the store are the borderline retarded, racist, and sexist slogans Ed's used in order to stress just how great the bargains were. I can't remember them off the top of my head, and to try to recreate them wouldn't do them justice. I'm sure the slogans will live on, so if you are in Toronto, you really need to head over to Bathurst and Bloor.

I don't even think you need to go into the store, I don't even recommend it, you just need to walk on the sidewalk outside of it.

The store was featured in the third episode of the Scott Pilgrim comic series, where it was basically implied that going into the store makes you have a seizure. If you have epilepsy it's probably true, as there are flashing lights everywhere. Also arrows, arrows, and more arrows just to make sure the elderly don't miss the batteries for $0.50.

The only thing I ever remember buying there was a flourescent green hat. It was $0.75. I wouldn't feel comfortable shopping for my family there, because if there actually is a brand of cereal that has jagged metal Os in it, it is sold at Honest Ed's.

If his death means the end of the store, I really will consider going back to Toronto before it closes. If the store does close, it also means poor people are screwed on Christmas because I think Ed used to sell Turkey's there for $3 (yeah the store sells clothes and food, and hunting accessories). Lines used to form around the block. You didn't need foodstamps if you had three loonies.

More like Warclean's

2007-07-11T00:50:00.000-07:00

While Googling my own name, I discovered that the Maclean's website mentioned an editorial I wrote earlier this semester.

I don't even know what to think about that. I think it is one of the weakest editorials I've ever written.

2007-07-09T22:40:00.000-07:00

Today I paid $34+ to develop two rolls of medium format film.

a) I don't have the time to rent out a dark room

b) I don't completely remember how to develop film in a dark room without fucking it up

c) I really should use my digital camera more

I am the Missy Elliot of rhyming

2007-07-08T21:03:00.001-07:00

The following are "freestyle raps" I wrote on my friend Dan's myspace profile over the period of time we have both had accounts (approximately 1 1/2 years):

uhhh dan the man
his name aint stan
uh but im still his fan
thats cause he can
do what would be done by stan
uhhh moloney doesn't like boloney
he prefers black forest ham
like a computer prefers ram
but no out of date shit
he likes a fresh hit
he make sure to shop at the deli
he don't like old shit that's smelly
uhhh

--

uhh dan's watching gilmore, girl
straight up I'm telling the worlllllll(d)
he's got a photo of himself all bloody
but i think it makes him real studly
uhh he listens to the band kennedy
I wonder if they're related to J.F. Kennedy
that fucker got shot

--

uhhh how you gonna rip it like this
I rap the best when I'm takin a piss
I kept the coffee away from GZA
While I sat and had tea with RZA
I heard you had a line about China
why don't you just rap about vagina
then some girl will give you a shina
uhh I chomp at the bit
while speaking my spit
sitting here eating split pea & ham soup
you best step off and fly the coop
I rip with the best, I've got a gift
I drop more rhymes than will smith
uhhh because he is the fresh prince
you know you don't want to mince
now I roll with dj jazzy jeff
we freestyle while doing chrystal meth
but enough of this preschool shit
step off the mic and let our fists hit

--

uhhh dan's designing shoes
I'm thinking of taking a snooze
but first I gotta finish eating mayonaise
wash it down with some lemonaaaade
uhh dan's polaroid is him all bloody
better than some shit that is muddy
freestyle freestyle freestyle gymnastics
my style is like that of elastics
I bounce and I bounce and shoot across the room
now I'm all over the place, best get the broom
I'm hiding under your bed like "little monsters"
hanging with f. savage diggin through dumpsters
uhhh howie mandel is underrated
if boston pizza hires him, he must be top rated

--

uhh dan is asleep
i smell my feet
but warren is rockin hard core
uhh don't take yo feet off da floor
i'm hardcore like transvestites
but i keep it real like parasites
i walk down the alleys
but my style is bo dallie
uhhh the fieild that is sally,
won't approve of this tally

--

uhh beep beep dan had sex in a jeep
it was with this guy who's a creep
but they did it brokeback style
he ain't no pedophile
just before, he spit on his dick
maybe even gave it a lick
uhhh just following heith ledger
and giving daniel anal pleasure

--

yo yo yo koko b. ware
warren's given a stare
for the wwf he wants the title
been practing more than a church recital
sure koko's got a parrot
but warren's got ross parot
and he feeds him only carrots
gonna end up on death row
after the match with koko

--

uhh my name is dan moloney
and I like the taste of bologna
I like to get drunk at the boulevard club
and for the people I'm with I like to snub,
I prefer to text sleeping friends, bub
oh snap warren is on the kilter
with rymes that are kilLER
how you feel bout the schoolin'
this shit is for real, no foolin'

--

I preach, I preach, I preach and I preach
My words take effect like clothes done bleached
I run from Godzilla Beyonce, not cause I'm afraid
Because footsteps are bills and my bills need to be paid,
Big Beyonce causes destruction,
Oh shit, traffic obstruction!
Because I'm on foot my stride is consistent,
my bills are still paid, even for my apartment.
Apparently Beyonce damaged my rap skills,
unable unlike Anthony Hopkins in Quills.

--

Don't run too fast while going to buy my debut CD.

In Association with Hasbro

2007-07-04T01:53:00.000-07:00

Transformers is bad. Not that I expected it to be good, but I did expect to see a shit load of awesome robots fighting. And there is some, but not nearly enough, and especially not nearly enough comprehensible action.
Shia, you did just fine. Michael Bay continues his wankfest. Lensflare much?

I'll probably write an actual review when it's not 2 in the morning. But yeah. I'm glad I only paid $3 to see it.

2007-07-03T11:47:00.001-07:00

Back in Grade 8, at the end of the year, my school put out yearbook type things for everyone to take home. There was a girl I had a crush on pretty much throughout all of grade 7 and 8, and I never did anything about it. I always held out hope that she liked me too, but I was too afraid to ask. Every student in the school had a whole page dedicated to them (it was a small alternative school) where friends would write things about them.

I remember when I first got my yearbook and I quickly flipped to the page of the girl I liked. I read all the comments and one in particular caught my eye: "Hey [name omitted], you and the @ symbol would make a great couple."

At the time, I thought that the "@ symbol" was a girl code word for me. I thought it was a code word for me because I imagined them saying "Warren is where it's at!"

2007-07-02T02:37:00.000-07:00

Say what you will about this song, say what you will about this band, this is still one of the best recorded versions of a song I have ever seen:

I am a magazine

2007-06-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

Note: The airbrushing and uh 'feminine' pose is intentional. Has no one seen the O magazine?

Things I learned about racism from attending Simon Fraser University

2007-06-28T01:22:00.000-07:00

-White people

Things Cam and I learned about science from the reality TV dating show Science of Love

2007-06-25T22:51:00.000-07:00

-Science is a noun

-Science can make love

-Science can push you in a direction

-Science can make you eat milk and brownies by a campfire on the beach in the moonlight

-Love is a field of science

-Mark Consuelos is a leading expert of love science

-Science hearts sluts

-It can be scientifically proven that douche bags want sluts

-Putting out is what science has to offer

-Perfectmatch.com is run by scientists

-Science and Kelly Ripa work well together as executive producers in producing scientific love television

Things I purchased today

2007-06-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

-One 600ml bottle of coke, $2

-One bag of doritos, $1.25

-One 6-pack of Colt 45, $8.35

-One Toronto coffee mug, priceless (because I stole it)

Things I ate today

2007-06-23T22:21:00.000-07:00

-Two tunafish sandwiches on toast

-2 litres of coke

-some kind of pasta with what was essentially just tomato sauce, green pepper and a bit of seasoning salt

-4 tostitos, no salsa

Random facts

2007-06-20T00:18:00.001-07:00

-I have already developed the sleeping habits of an 80-year-old.

-It is now becoming a normality that I will fall down at least twice while trying to perform basic tasks the day after I have drank semi-heavily. I may or may not be trying to go to the bathroom when these falls happen.

-I have no interest in talking to people in my classes unless they are attractive girls who admit to having no boyfriend. Or at least that they are open minded.

-I think Nardwuar is a piece of shit.

-The previous statement could get me ostricized from some part of the Vancouver Music Scene.

-If that happens, that is fucking retarded.

-Dane Cook is a jackass.

-Carlos Mencia isn't funny, who cares if he steals your jokes?

-If Joe Rogan got hit by a bus, I wouldn't say "Gee, that's unfortunate."

-If Andy Dick was driving that bus, he would win some points in my books.

-I genuinely enjoy the Air Bud movie franchise.

-I have a picture of Gordon Bombay in my locker at school. Underneath it there is a printout that says "You are a winner. Quack Quack Quack. Are we Ducks or what?"

Paris is still in jail

2007-06-18T16:55:00.000-07:00

www.freeparis.ca

Revelations of an adult featured as a child in a second-place video on America’s Funniest Home Videos in the early ‘90s

2007-06-14T00:59:00.000-07:00

By Warren Haas and Kellen Powell

-Maybe being interviewed by Bob Saget would have been a formative, life-changing experience

-Bob Saget didn’t do a very accurate impression of my voice. It didn’t really reflect my inner monologue at the time of the accident, but Bob knows best

-I should’ve fallen down that third step. Mom caught me too soon. She’s always holding me back

-Maybe if I had I would have won the $10,000 first-prize money and Mom and Dad would still be together

-If we had won that money the first time, Dad never would have had to spend all those hours video taping me in the shower, trying to get me to slip on the soap

-Mom hated those tapes

-I hate my life

2007-06-13T00:33:00.001-07:00

I haven't been in a posting mood, and I also haven't really had any humorous observations to share with the world. Though last night I tried to skateboard while drunk and I didn't do very well. Good thing there were no hills nearby. I fell down, basically.

Uhh, the upcoming Spoon album is unbelievably good. Besides the fact the songs are all amazing - every single track - I really like how they have recorded some of the talking going on in the studio and left it in between the tracks. Not that no one has done that before, but for some reason it really works with this record.

I'm not sure if I like Icky Thump or not.

Am I the only one who thinks it is obnoxious to just assume that anyone who wants a Corona also wants a lime jammed in the top of it? I mean I get it, but I've been to Mexico. I'm back in Canada now.

What is the point of IDing me if you are going to accept a piece of ID that doesn't even have my photo on it?

I have a lottery ticket for Wednesday's $40 million jackpot.

Mike and I saw a 3D movie last week, it was really lame. But they served appetizers at the preview. Like spring rolls, sushi, shrimp, et cetera. So I guess that makes the joint seem classy. Though there was a look of desperation in the coordinator's eyes that really depressed me.

2007-06-09T18:49:00.000-07:00

I wonder at what point someone decided it would be interesting to make a television show about the "behind-the-scenes" aspects of TV spot promos. You know, like when an actor has to say "You are watching CBS" or something like that. When did somebody think television viewers would be interested in seeing what goes on in the day of a life of a celebrity when they have to film one of those?

2007-06-09T16:31:00.001-07:00

I think I'm funny enough to write an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond or The Simpsons (now, not six years ago) but not an episode of Seinfeld.

My worst fears realized! - Travel Blog #31

2007-06-07T00:45:00.000-07:00

I am stranded somewhere in Botswana.

I can't contact my parents to get money transferred.

I can't find anyone who speaks english.

I'm kind of afraid for my life.

This is not a joke. I've sent many e-mails but I don't know how reliable the internet connection is here, so I'm not sure they are getting through.

My zest for life has been replaced with a cold, harsh reality.

I brought this on myself.

Things I might learn if I listened to Kelly Clarkson's song "Never Again" after breaking up with a girl

2007-06-01T00:30:00.000-07:00

-Yeah. Shit yeah. Kelly is so right. I did the right thing. She's never going to get to be with me again.

2007-05-28T19:12:00.000-07:00

Kellen's idea for this week. One of the better dreams I've had, I say.

Jay Leno might be made of denim

2007-05-27T18:06:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty confident that there is a clause in Jay Leno's contract with NBC that states he absolutely must wear a suit while on the air.

I'm also pretty confident that if everyone else in the world stopped buying Levi's, they would still be in business because of Jay Leno.

A conversation that could only take place since the creation of MySpace

2007-05-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

"So, I think Kaitlin and I broke up. Yeah, actually, we definitely broke up."

"Oh yeah? What happened?"

"She told me over MySpace that she thinks we should see other people."

"Oh man. Harshhh... But wait, did she do it with a comment or with a message?"

"It was a message, which I guess is better because then it's not really public information where anyone can see it."

"Yeah, true, but I think it's going to be pretty obvious when you guys move each other out of your top friends. Then everyone who comes to your page will know. I mean, you're going to take her out, right?"

"Uhh I guess I should, it would be kind of weird if I left her in my top 8, she might think I have lingering feelings or something. Which I totally don't. I don't want to give her the satisfaction."

"Then again, if she left you a comment it probably would've been better for you, she would've looked like the total bitch and then all of your mutual MySpace friends would probably take her out of their top friends too. At least for like a couple weeks, to teach her a lesson."

"But if she did leave a comment saying 'I totally hate you, we're broken up,' she would run the risk of having me think she was joking, and everyone else who saw it thinking it was some kind of inside joke or something. And then I might reply back on her page and leave a comment like 'Haha, thats why I luvz ya' or something. That would be embarassing. Because then she would be obliged to write either another comment saying 'No, I'm serious. For real.' or sending a message being all regretful and sorry that I thought it was a joke, but at the same time staying stern about the fact that she wants to break up."

"I guess that would get pretty messy, you could probably get into a total back and forth MySpace comment fight where you also subversively leave comments on mutual friends' pages with none-too-subtle insults about the other person. And then all of your friends who have to read that would either send messages to each other about how lame and boring it all is, or leave sarcastic comments for everyone to read that clearly make fun of you and Kaitlin and how in love the two of you still must be."

"Yeah, so I suppose all in all it was just better that she sent me a message. I wonder if she thought about the consequences of writing a message versus a comment, or if she just picked it by chance. I mean a message would be an obvious choice on Facebook, otherwise our friends' news feeds would have her telling me we're broken up in it, and then it would feel like news. Like a news flash. And people would have to call around to confirm the accuracy of the report. MySpace is definitely the preferred networking website for break-ups."

Friday Night Lights

2007-05-19T19:31:00.000-07:00

I know, that's a lame title, but kind of appropriate, as I sort of have this thing for photographing brightly lit, rain soaked football/soccer fields at night. I don't know why, but whenever I see one, and have a camera nearby, I take photos of them. And I happened to take the photos last night, Friday.

2007-05-18T21:52:00.000-07:00

FREE PARIS

More like the best movie scenes EVER

2007-05-16T19:09:00.000-07:00

I go camping with celebrities

2007-05-14T22:19:00.000-07:00

Warren does the news

2007-05-12T11:10:00.000-07:00

So I've been kind of slowing down with blogging lately, and that's primarily because work and school have started up again. I'm only taking three classes though, so I surely will still have time to tell you about the life lessons I learn day-to-day.

All three of my classes are English courses, one is Early Modern Literature (aka the revenge class, as the prof describes it), another is Early Shakespeare, and the last is B.C. literature. I'm most excited about that last class, as it seems like it's going to be the most interesting in terms of discussion and writing. Though it also seems like it's going to be pretty hard.

Somehow I've already pretty much decided what I will be taking in the fall, thanks to the fact that SFU already has teachers lined up for every class, though they only have titles and no course descriptions.

And this is all that's new in my life, so in order to keep this blog interesting, I know present to you the most interesting news headlines I have found across the internet:

'Drumline' actor proposes in Times Sqaure

Montreal fined $20,000 for bar mitzvah 'from hell'

Scotty ashes missing in mountains

2007-05-10T10:59:00.001-07:00

My blog is all the rage in Coquitlam.

Things I learned from being the one drunken asshole at a London Spy concert that also has bands that have none of my friends in them

2007-05-07T10:10:00.000-07:00

-there is absolutely no way you feel good about yourself in the morning

Things I learned from being hungover

2007-05-04T10:05:00.000-07:00

-Hash browns are tasty

-I don't feel like doing anything

-I have to go to work